On Ownership: Giving Space

I don’t own her

I don’t want to own her

I don’t own her

I don’t want to own her

I miss her

Missing is not necessarily rooted in ownership

Why does missing hurt?

Can missing ever feel good?

I want to miss her and enjoy that feeling

I am going to work on finding pleasure in missing

Is that masochistic?

Is that torture?

Is missing only a painful sub-emotion?

Is missing rooted in fear or love?

Maybe both?

 

How can missing be rooted in love?

Missing lovingly says: (Maya angelou says this best) I miss you but I can’t be with you right now so go, enjoy yourself, go.

Missing out of fear says: I miss you and want you here now or I will go to you now. I am sad to know you are having fun because it makes me think you won’t ever want to spend time with me as I am likely not as fun.

Missing out of fear says: I am not enough and I know it. I am not better than your other options.

Missing lovingly says: I love you and I miss you and I’m unable to do all the things you need. It is just beyond any one human’s capacity - given how complex we are - so I am glad that you have found ways experience your fullness and I hope that you don’t forget what I am able to do for you.

Missing lovingly says: I enjoy what you do for / to me.

Missing out of fear says: Please don’t do the things that you do for / to me with anyone else because you may enjoy serving them more than you enjoy serving me.

‘Miss’ means both (1) to fail to notice something and (2) to notice a loss or absence of something.

Interesting how in missing someone, we can be doing both of these.

That is to say, one problem with missing is that we fail to notice her and we notice that she is gone simultaneously.

We notice that she is gone but still fail to notice her.

We notice that she is gone AND fail to notice her.

I want to notice she is gone and notice her fullness in that goneness (or absence) - rather than noticing her solely gone.

In noticing her fullness in her absence (as above: I’m unable to do all the things you need), I can love her healthily while she is gone as she becomes human in my gaze rather than an object without complexity of the human spirit (careful with the term spirit and it’s Christian implications, spirit in the sense of belonging to the universe and having essential interconnectivity with all things in it - therefore needing to be connected to all things, which I’m grateful to fit into in a particularly special way).

Carlos iro Burgos